"Codependency"

What is codependency? It is when someone focuses most of their attention on pleasing others and neglects their own needs. Most codependents will say "YES" when they really want to say "NO" but because of not wanting to dissappoint others they do not take care of themselves. They become so loyal to their partners that they will neglect their own needs. They can be so fearful of losing their partner that they will do whatever makes them happy. They often confuse sex with love, thinking they are the same thing. They have strong needs for attention and approval from others. They struggle with setting boundaries and limits for themselves. All in the name of "PLEASING". Their motto is that they must make everyone else happy and comfortable even if they have to sacrifice their wants and needs. Most codependents have been raised in a family where there was a strong care taking component by one of their parents or siblings. They began to realize that they could get needs met by taking care of others feelings and problems. What they didn't know was the cost they would have to pay later for giving up what they wanted for themselves. It can be a viscous cycle when involved in a codependent relationship because you become so dependent upon the other person that you can't see yourself without this person in your life, yet you are miserable and wishing you weren't with this person.
There are other facets to codependency; however the main discussion here is about the dependency and low self-worth that is created when one is involved in this type of relationship. It can take several months and for some years to break this pattern of behavior. An individual must understand where this behavior came from, if they want to change it and how they are going to make these changes knowing the risks involved. Teaching codependents about boundaries, limit setting, asking for what they need, personal responsibility and accountability, and learning to like themselves and eventually loving themselves is the ultimate goal. Self-love and courage is key to being successful in breaking these patterns and living the life that will make them feel balanced and fulfilled.

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